I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
