So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You ruined the universe
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
