It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
