We're facebook friends in real life
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
