I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
