My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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