he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
