She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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