Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
