I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
