I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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