i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
