My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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