When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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