I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
