i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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