i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
