Tell her she can't have a vagina
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
