I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
