put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
