Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
