The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
