Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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