AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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