At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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