thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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