whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
