You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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