She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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