i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
