It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
