While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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