I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
