k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
