she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
