I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
