Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
