Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
