My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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