I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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