No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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