if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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