watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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