Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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