it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
