You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
