Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
