No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
