chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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