If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
