In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
