If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
