I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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