I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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