ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
