i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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