I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
