I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
