I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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