At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
