if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
