so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
