I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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