if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
