Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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