come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
