I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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Thank you for not boning my boss.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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